Monday, February 25, 2008

Memories of Showbiz Pizza Place...

See that bear in the top right corner? That’s the one that started me down this path.

There was this birthday party (my birthday party) a long time ago. This bear kept playing the same song over and over again. It was singing Happy Birthday to the kid that was there before me. And everyone in the place looks at me and my party and claps and yells Happy Birthday to Adam every time he finishes. And but it was my birthday now and he’s still singing about this other kid. After like eight times, I get tired of this and It’s Go Time! So I jump the only thing separating me from the bear – the Velvet Ropes. And I try to take away his banjo, but it was screwed on or something. So I just start wailing on this bear. And he’s still playing Happy Birthday to the kid, who’s probably moved on to Skeeball by then but I hope he was totally traumatized by the whole affair, because I sure was.

Did I mention I was traumatized by a bear when I was a kid? Oh, yes, a couple of them. The first one was this story book they made me read over and over again. The bear has these big claws and he’s like leaping out of the page, and it’s like 3D of the 70s or something, so it looks totally real. Got so bad that grandpa had to tape a bank check over the bear so I wouldn’t freak out and stay awake for three days. Then someone else in my family goes out and buys me this bear shaped rocking chair, with the bear as the back of the chair and the arms of the chair are the arms of the bear. So not only can you not see what the bear is up to because your back is to him, but he’s got his arms around you. That messed me up for years. He’s still sitting down in Grandpa’s basement with a black trash bag over the bear part. Like I don’t know he’s lurking, waiting until I’m asleep. Like I’m dumb enough even as a three year old to believe that a black plastic trash bag is bear-proof. Yeah.

Long story short: I got the whole birthday party thrown out of the Showbiz Pizza. And there’s no one to drive us all home – we’re just standing out in the Venture’s parking lot. In the rain.

Look closely at the bear in the top right corner. His name is Billy Bob. He killed my birthday party.


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